It has been quite a while since I have written, but I promise I am still alive. I found the first few weeks Blanton was gone to be almost unbearably lonely, but I have since started to adjust. Don't get me wrong, I miss him terribly with every inch of my heart and through the depths of my soul. I suppose I have just told myself over and over to deal with it and I finally listened. Being depressed will not get me any further in life, nor will it bring him home any sooner.

I sat yesterday and watched a terrible sight. I could not break my eyes away from the television as I watched the live news footage of the attack at Fort Hood. I also could not keep the tears from pouring across my cheeks. I have a friend who was there... she was on her way from the PX to the very building where this incident took place, but she was stopped and told they were on lockdown. I thanked God over and over that she was safe from harm, but I still mourned for the loss of those who passed. I mourned, and still mourn for their families. Every time a soldier dies, I feel as though my heart is ripped from my chest. And the thought that one soldier could do such harm to fellow comrades just sickens me. I don't know if I would ever be able to handle that call. Life would be completely different with half of me missing.

But as for now, I keep myself occupied with school and our [kids]. They keep me going every day for now. I found this quote that I liked:

"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It is for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It is for those knowing a good thing when they see it. Even if they don't see it nearly enough."

I don't know how bold I am, but I'm sure trying to be strong.